Happy Birthday John!

Today John turns 8. He is the last of my big kids (the 4 older ones). My first born son. I don't remember it being a big issue that I wanted a boy. Female was more prominent in my side of the family, it's what I was used to. I had an ultrasound & they told me that he was a boy. But I refused to believe it. I was duped into thinking that Brianna was a boy (not via ultrasound though). I was not gonna fall for that boy thinking again. No way. I said "ok, I'll believe it when I see it".

When I got pregnant with John Brianna was only 3 months old. Not really what we were planning. Well, we were planning on having a 4th, but not that soon after baby #3. So it was a bit of a shock. I had an early on ultrasound to help determine a due date. Much to my surprise the tech asked if twins ran in my family. I was mortified. I have always ALWAYS wanted twins (or any kind of multiples). But now? Really? I remember saying "I just had a baby 3 months ago....how am I gonna????" There WAS another twin there, but the mood quickly changed when the tech told me that the twin was not going to be born. She turned the screen and showed me four little heart chambers. Perfectly & wonderfully made. However, it wasn't beating. Since it was so early on in the pregnancy the twin would just absorb into the other baby. It's called a vanishing twin. I think I was in such shock that I never asked for a picture of the twin. We never really talked about it much. We didn't give the twin a name.

John's due date was January 31, 2001. NO BIG SURPRISE I went past my due date with him. I miss miserable. I was sick & tired of being pregnant. This was my 4th baby in 5 1/2 years or more specifically my 3rd baby in 2 1/2 years. I wanted this kid out of me. The weekend before I had him I slipped while getting out of the tub. I was having some sharp pains because unbeknownst to me I had tore my supporting ligaments from my slip. I had gone to the hospital to get the pains checked out. The ended up sending me home, but told me to come back on Monday for a 2 day induction.

I checked into the hospital on Monday, February 5. I wasn't expecting him to be born until the next day. I had stayed up very late the night before getting things done for me to be gone. I had brought plenty of sewing & reading to accomplish, plus snooze a little cause I had so little sleep. They strapped me into a machine to monitor me and within a hour came down & told me I was having contractions. Noticeable enough to be readable on the monitor. Really? I was? I honestly hadn't even noticed. Well, that changed things up quite a bit. Instead of a 2 day induction, they were going straight to the pitocin to get me into active later. They started the medicine right before noon and by 5 p.m. I was wanting to push. Shortly there after John was born. Jim was there, my mom was there. My oldest sister was there. Angel & Mandy were there in the corner watching t.v. It was the largest group of people I had for any of my deliveries. Hey, the more the merrier!

So finally I had my boy. We named him John Anthony after Jim's grandpa. That was our boy name regardless of which child the boy would have been. All the girls had names from my family & friends, now it was Jim's turn. I was suppose to tie my tubes the next day. I was so done with having children. Jim refused to get anything done so I was gonna get things taken care of. Right after I delivered Jim turned to me with tears in his eyes (literally) and told me that I had done so much for him....given him 4 children, that he would get fixed. It was the least he could do. Yeah....we know how that turned out, but we are so glad that it did happen that way.

John's twin often goes un-talked about. When John was a bit older he started asking questions about his twin. He even displayed some twin like symptoms (kinda hard to explain those, but). It's not that we don't miss the twin or think about him. It very much saddens me that I never got my twin like I had always wanted. John has taken a strong roll in identifying with his twin. When he was 3 he wanted to name his twin. Although we don't know if it was a boy or girl we've always identified it as a boy and John named him Matthew. We in no way encouraged him to be so attached to his twin. He has done this on his own. He has his own time of crying & missing this part of him that he will never see here on earth. He can't wait for that day when he gets to meet him in Heaven. We all can't wait. For now, while here on earth, we fully embrace our John Anthony.